Remember those little roller skate Geo Trackers that every cute girl in high school used to drive? To refresh your memory, they had an overall length of 143 inches. That comes out to just over 11 feet in case you need someone to do the math for you. Don’t worry, I had to look it up too. They weighed just over 2,400 pounds and had about 46 ft.³ of cargo space.
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Oh, and they were not very tall either. In fact, the tallest model topped out at 66 1/2 inches. That is not even six feet tall. However, couple that with an 11 gallon tank and a four cylinder engine, and what do you have? A little roller skate vehicle that is pretty handy with gas mileage. That’s why everyone loved them, even though they did not do so well in rollover tests (they would flip faster than an acrobat at a circus if you cornered too quickly).
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However, they were quite handy for getting students back and forth to school. It also gave them the illusion of having a convertible sporty ride… when they really just had a dwarf Jeep with no top. Anyway, why do I mention all of this? Well, if you were like me, there was always that streak in you that would love to have seen one of these things get absolutely demolished.
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It seems like you could kick one with your foot and send it flying across a parking lot. There was something about those little cars that made you just want to destroy them. Well
It seems like you could kick one with your foot and send it flying across a parking lot. There was something about those little cars that made you just want to destroy them. Well friends, I have the means to quell that urge below. You’ll notice a guy in yellow. That’s our main contender right there. He is a construction grade excavator. We will call him Big Yellow for lack of a better term. Go ahead and laugh at me for giving the excavator a name. I’m sure you had names for your Camaros and Mustangs when you were younger. If you grew up on a farm, chances are you had names for your tractors and combines too. I’m just saying, we are not as different as we may seem. You say potato, I say Big Yellow. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Big Yellow the excavator has one thing in mind and we are going to live vicariously through him. He is going to raise his arm high and push over that grain silo. Yep, that grain silo that is conveniently positioned beside that ordinary little Geo Tracker. Before you go feeling sorry for that little car, just think logically. I’m sure he had it coming. Maybe he left the cattle gate open and the livestock got out. Whatever he did, it had to be bad. Corporal punishment via grain silo is the only option.
If your upper lip started to sweat when you read that last sentence, then you know what is coming. Thousands of pounds of concrete rain from the sky and unleash their fury on the helpless Geo Tracker. It’s like watching a scene from a bad apocalypse. The Tracker takes a beating from the excavator, and is left under a pile of rubble. Translation… the silo wins and the roller skate loses. That Geo Tracker ends up flatter than a pile of pancakes from IHOP. If it could drive before, it will not drive any longer. Some modifications are permanent (by the way, don’t ever say that to your significant other if she mentions plastic surgery. I speak from experience). As for Big Yellow? Well, our excavator friend seems completely unmoved by the whole situation. He simply rolls off screen pulling cable and concrete with him as he goes. Yet, I guess if I had double tank tread and the ability to lift thousands of pounds with one hydraulic arm I would be unemotional too. This was not a contest for him. I think it was a message to me. It’s almost like he is letting me know he fulfilled the wish I had in high school. In some small way I feel indebted to him. Maybe I should find him another silo with something else to smash. I think as long as I don’t make him mad, we could coexist on the farm together.
